World Cup pushed soccer on the American sports fans like never before. Our boys went as far as the Yanks have ever gone before. And, of course, this has spawned many of those intelligent workplace debates. Which is better: Soccer or Football? Soccer may have simple scoring, but the advantages just about stop there. And I have to take the side of the football that players rarely touch the ball with the foot.

There are many reasons:

1. The clock: In football you always know how much time is left in the game. Exactly how much time. Teams develop a two-minute offense and clock management strategies. Soccer? Who the heck knows how much time there is? Just one guy, and he’s not telling anyone. Just keep playing until he has had enough. Good luck with that.
2. Penalties: Football refs tell the fans what penalties are called, reinforced with hand signals, shown by instant replay and elaborated on by announcers. Soccer refs condescend to let us know who they called a penalty on. And that’s it. 10 guys fighting in front of the goal and one guy gets the penalty. A game can hang on it. No explanation, just live with it.
3. The Vuvuzela.
4. Cheerleaders: Football has them.
5. Offside: Football offside is simple. Cross the line before the ball is snapped and interrupt the other team and a yellow flag goes up. Soccer offside has about a thousand unexplained nuances. You can be offside if you don’t make a play for the ball. I’m still not sure anyone understands it.
6. Refs: Football has enough refs to cover all the field at all the time. A soccer field is so large that players feel they must flop on the ground clutching their faces as if they just took a bat to the teeth to get the ref’s attention. Really? The game has been around for more than 100 years and that’s the best soccer can come up with? How about a few more refs?
7. Instant Replay: Hey, Soccer, refs don’t have to fear for their lives or live indefinitely in seclusion under protection for a bad call. Take the power of really controlling a game out of their hands. Hit rewind, fix the call, no one gets hurt, no riots.
8. TV: Football broadcasters tailor the broadcast to the fans. They help viewers understand the game, strategies, players and coaches. Top-notch graphics educate while entertaining. Soccer tells fans to love it or leave it. Any cool graphics? Wait till commercial. That will be in about 90 minutes. Maybe a little longer, the ref hasn’t told anyone yet.
9. Player Introductions: Football introduces the players as they come on the field, then again in graphics showing where the players line up in the field. This helps new football fans understand what they players do in the game and where to find them. Soccer? The guys are on the field, then a whistle, then another 90 minutes or so. Not very helpful to winning new fans. If I wanted to study I’d take a class.
10. Magic Spray. Some player takes a dive like he was just shot by an imaginary sniper in the stadium. The EMT team rushes out to save this latest victim. Do they break out the defibrillator? A tourniquet? Maybe a band-aid? No. A little can of deodorant in a reviving scent. Do we see that in any other sports?

I’m not saying soccer is not a sport, just that football is better. John Cleese wants to join the conversation:

Sorry, John, not quite convinced. Nothing works like insulting the audience you are trying to persuade.  Maybe we can just agree that Cricket is worse than futbol and football, and may not really be a sport after all.

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Tags: football, futbol, john cleese, man cave, soccer